18 November, 2020

Microwaves that Beep More than Three Times

My microwave beeps five times when it's finished. If I'd known it was going to do that, I wouldn't have bought it.

Two beeps makes sense, in case you didn't hear the first one. Three is being on the safe side. Health and safety and all that, I can let that go. Four is overly-extravagant. Five is just taking the piss. I mean, who needs five beeps? Anyone stupid enough to need that many shouldn't be handling a microwave in the first place.

Five is being sarcastic. It mocks. It grates. Instead of a beep, it may as well be a high pitched, reedy-farty sound.

Don't stand for it. Let it get to three, then switch it off. That's what I do.

19 September, 2020

Plans for a new Labour Party slogan

Keir Starmer says he wants his arbitrary, amateur band of rich, entitled power-seekers (he calls it a Party) to have a new slogan, in order to build public trust in the brand. (You know, like what corporations do in their PR and advertising drives when they've been caught in public doing something naughty, but they don't want the bother of actually changing any of their practices. Or in some cases, they can't, because the dodgiest elements are actually the shareholders and executives who bring the money in.)

How about "New Labour New Britain"? Oh, wait...

What about "New leadership"? OK, I know I know, they'd surely never go for anything as bereft of feeling, meaning or creativity as that.

Right, so it's time for some deeper consideration. How about one of the following?

  • Actions speak better than slogans.

  • Trust is earned, not written.

  • Our slogan is our bond (to deflect attention away from the fact that their words aren't.)

  • Promises should be legally-binding; willfully-broken promises are fraudulent. Haha, don't worry, I'm only joking with that one.

All the best to him with his marketing exercise. It's a pity that people recognise marketing exercises for what they are. But at least it's only his donors' money that he's squandering.

Perhaps the other arbitrary, amateur band of rich, entitled power-seekers - the ones currently in charge - could up their ante? Isn't it about time for a logo change? It's been a while. Perhaps this time, instead of the tree, they could focus on the snake.