Dracula's Coffin

Where did Dracula get his coffin from?

He sleeps all day. Shops are shut at night.

Did he get a mate to buy it for him? Seems unlikely, I don't imagine he had any mates. At least, not living ones. The dead or undead ones would have had the same problems.

Did he steal it? Were there any news articles of burglary, where just a coffin and nothing else was stolen? Not that's documented. And it would surely be odd enough to merit a mention in at least one paper.

Perhaps he ordered one on the internet? Well, he wouldn't have been able to accept the delivery in the daytime (see above), and a signature would have been needed.

Did he make it himself? I suppose he could have learned carpentry, but then he would have needed good-quality, seasoned wood at the right size, plus fittings. That requires shopping, which as I mention above would be pretty difficult.

If I find out, I'll let you know. Actually, probably not, as that would undermine the premise of this blog.

Solar-powered Garden Lights as an Environmental Innovation

So, you decided to get solar-powered garden lights. You thought it was a harmless act, or perhaps you were helping the environment, because they're solar-powered, right?

Consider what would have happened if solar garden lights didn't exist. Would you definitely have installed ones connected to your household electricity? What with the cost of electric, the annoyance of laying wires, the expensive upkeep? Of course not (unless you happen to own a mansion, in which case you probably bought larger, better mains-powered lights regardless). It's only because solar lights are cheap and easy to install that they became fashionable, and you took advantage of that.

So, your choice wasn't solar lights vs mains lights, it was solar lights vs nothing. The construction of solar lights uses a lot of resources, whereas nothing - well, nothing is the ultimate environmental innovation.

Solar garden lights are neither an environmental innovation nor an environmental alternative. That was just a marketing gimmick, a ploy to get you to feel good about yourself while buying them.

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Addendum (24.09.22): Always-on phone displays are another false god of environmental innovation. Apple are the latest to roll out this technnological abomination to more of their phones.

In today's world, what's the great idea of wasting electricity for the 99% of time when you have your phone switched off but want to see what time it is? What's the harm in switching the phone on, or using a watch?

"But it only uses a tiny amount of electricity"... said three billion mobile phone users.

Professional Footballers' Salaries

Professional footballers get paid a lot for being great at playing a game. If a nurse is great at saving lives, can they get an equivalent amount? If not, how can that morally be justified?

Why is someone who saves lives for a living worth hundreds of times less than someone who plays a game for a living?

Pronouncing Kiev "Kyiv"

So, we're supposed to spell Kiev "Kyiv" now, and pronounce it in a weird way (see later), to show our support to Ukraine. Well, that's a bit of a crap idea, isn't it?

First off, no-one can pronounce it properly. Nowhere, in any official broadcast (including the news), have I ever heard a correct pronunciation. The most popular one sounds like "keev" (which is close but wrong, even though Wikipedia suggests it). If we're to show our support by pronouncing the name of Kiev properly, isn't it insulting to the Ukrainians to get it wrong? And The Public gets their pronunciation from these sources, rather than bothering to look it up themselves, and so fails alongside them.

Secondly, if you're showing support by pronouncing it "correctly", why not do the next logical thing and start spelling it Київ as it's supposed to be spelled?

Thirdly, and this is an obvious one that dullards seem to have missed, is that if you go down the "let's pronounce it correctly" route, you have to do it for everything. Otherwise, you're insulting other countries/places by saying Kiev is important enough, but the other places are not. So, are you going to pronounce Україна correctly from now on? Are you going to spell it correctly? Do you even know where Україна is?

And what about Deutschland, are you going to ditch "Germany" forever? After all, the Germans historically find that name offensive, because it was imposed onto them from the Romans during their occupation, and it then got stylised into what we use today (from Germania, which funnily enough is what the Russians still call them).

And then, of course, what about all of the other place-names in the whole world?

And there's the laughable idea of renaming chicken kievs. That's their name, just like peking duck and bombay mix. Peking and Bombay don't even exist any more, but the food name persists because... well, that's the name of the food. It has historical context, and the food name is now commonplace and separate from the place name. You'll notice that I don't capitalise "peking" in peking duck, for example - that's because of the same reason: It's part of the food name, and it is not a (capitalised) proper noun. You can capitalise it if you want, but it isn't necessary.

You didn't think this through, did you? If it's any consolation, neither did the embassies, governments and news outlets that fell down the same hole. Even if there were rational reasons why we should single Kiev out for correct pronunciation, if you can't think of (or find) a valid reason then you shouldn't be trying it, as that would be stupid. So while you dig yourself out of it, I'll stick with Kiev.