A bit offbeat for this blog, but for those who're fed up of all the crap about the new Bourne film, here are some of my ideas for future ones...
Bourne Free
Jason Bourne is on a mission to emancipate the baboons from the tyranical keepers at Bristol Zoo, but ends up spending most of the film running from the lions.
Bourne out of Wedlock
Jason Bourne gets chased around the globe by the Pope and His reverent but deadly papal minions to atone for a parental misdimeanour.
Bourne to Party
Jason Bourne runs against Jeremy Corbyn in the Labour leadership contest and battles the remaining candidates, while the evil Theresa May sets her sights on destroying the Labour Manifesto in her next parliamentary speech once and for all.
24 July, 2016
11 July, 2016
The Use of "It" Before "It" is Defined
It's so annoying.
You know what "it" is. That was an exception. There was no need for me to define "it". If there was, I just did - and it's in the blog post title - albeit in a slightly metaphysical way. All clear? Good.
It's everywhere. Mere mortals have more of an excuse: After all, it's our prerogative to use informal language, and (so long as it isn't confusing English) can justifiably be claimed as valid English. But professionals - those who write legal documents, formal notices, instruction manuals, etc - should know better. After all, it's their job to know how to use standard English.
My bugbear here is sentences like this:
The first thing you should be asking yourself, after getting as far as "it is", is... what is? "It" hasn't been defined yet. So saying "it" is meaningless. What is important? What is advised? What is recommended? You haven't explained what it is yet! For gods' sakes, speak English!
Of course, "it" is defined further on in the sentence. But that means you have to read the entire sentence, then go back and read it again. Or you could read the sentence back to front, which contradicts everything you know about how English should work.
Using "it" before "it" is defined mightn't seem a big deal. However, it ("it" here being 'using "it" before "it" is defined') is important. First, people reading a document, etc. may not understand colloquialisms - which it is, even though you may not think so. Second, it's an unprofessional use of grammar, which undermines your confidence in the people who are writing this supposedly-trustworthy source of 'truth'. And third... well, it's just annoying to old people like me who prefer the olden days, ok?
My favourite example of the lingual travesty is this, noticed after running a software installer:
Wait, they're saying that the product's dependency should update itself? In that case, why bother telling me about it? And what's with this "it is recommended to" nonsense? Surely "it is recommended for an update" is marginally more intelligible.
Use of "it" before "it" is defined is a tell-tale that the sentence can be made easier and simpler. Let's go through the above examples and define "it" up-front:
You'll notice that none of these sentences is more difficult to read than the originals. In fact, hopefully quite the opposite, because it progresses in the right order, and each sentence is naturally shorter. That's because we've used simple English grammar, rather than some form of degenerate pig-English.
However, even these sentence constructions are suspicious. That's because there is also a sinister side. The original and amended sentences avoid mentioning who the authority is that says something is important, advised or recommended. That's because such sentences are often designed to avoid responsibility. Ultimately, the sentences should be as follows:
You know what "it" is. That was an exception. There was no need for me to define "it". If there was, I just did - and it's in the blog post title - albeit in a slightly metaphysical way. All clear? Good.
It's everywhere. Mere mortals have more of an excuse: After all, it's our prerogative to use informal language, and (so long as it isn't confusing English) can justifiably be claimed as valid English. But professionals - those who write legal documents, formal notices, instruction manuals, etc - should know better. After all, it's their job to know how to use standard English.
My bugbear here is sentences like this:
"It is important that you check your teeth regularly."
"It is advised that you read the instructions before installing this application."
"It is recommended that you consult a doctor before taking this medicine."
The first thing you should be asking yourself, after getting as far as "it is", is... what is? "It" hasn't been defined yet. So saying "it" is meaningless. What is important? What is advised? What is recommended? You haven't explained what it is yet! For gods' sakes, speak English!
Of course, "it" is defined further on in the sentence. But that means you have to read the entire sentence, then go back and read it again. Or you could read the sentence back to front, which contradicts everything you know about how English should work.
Using "it" before "it" is defined mightn't seem a big deal. However, it ("it" here being 'using "it" before "it" is defined') is important. First, people reading a document, etc. may not understand colloquialisms - which it is, even though you may not think so. Second, it's an unprofessional use of grammar, which undermines your confidence in the people who are writing this supposedly-trustworthy source of 'truth'. And third... well, it's just annoying to old people like me who prefer the olden days, ok?
My favourite example of the lingual travesty is this, noticed after running a software installer:
"One of your product's dependencies is old. It is recommended to update it."
Wait, they're saying that the product's dependency should update itself? In that case, why bother telling me about it? And what's with this "it is recommended to" nonsense? Surely "it is recommended for an update" is marginally more intelligible.
Use of "it" before "it" is defined is a tell-tale that the sentence can be made easier and simpler. Let's go through the above examples and define "it" up-front:
"Checking your teeth regularly is important."
"Reading the instructions before installing this application is advised."
"Consulting a doctor before taking this medicine is recommended."
"One of your product's dependencies is old. Updating it is recommended."
You'll notice that none of these sentences is more difficult to read than the originals. In fact, hopefully quite the opposite, because it progresses in the right order, and each sentence is naturally shorter. That's because we've used simple English grammar, rather than some form of degenerate pig-English.
However, even these sentence constructions are suspicious. That's because there is also a sinister side. The original and amended sentences avoid mentioning who the authority is that says something is important, advised or recommended. That's because such sentences are often designed to avoid responsibility. Ultimately, the sentences should be as follows:
"We say it's important that you check your teeth regularly."
"We advise that you read the instructions before installing this application."
"We recommend that you consult a doctor before taking this medicine."
"One of your product's dependencies is old. We recommend that you update it."
I'm not sure why they would want to avoid this style. Do they think it too confrontational? Are they afraid of responsibility, or blame? If so, I'd suggest they consider that an ambiguously-apportioned sentence is at best cowardly, and at worst trying to get people to do something but weaseling out of the consequences if they've given you crap advice.
So beware the '"it" before "it" is defined' sentences: The people who use them are hiding behind their insidious words. It's up to you to be wary of the advice that they're suspiciously reticent to give. (Or should that be "The advice that they're suspiciously reticent to give should make you wary"...)
While we're at 'it', an addendum: If your delivery company says your parcel will arrive "between 14:30 - 15:30", ask them: "between 14:30 - 15:30 and when? Or do you mean between 14:30 and 15:30?"
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